last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize