The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
