i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
