Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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