I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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