Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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