You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
