your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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