i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
