areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have post one night stand depression
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
