so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
