I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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