Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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