we have pet lesbian snakes
I met the friendliest cop last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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