she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
