we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
