Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
