Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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