Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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