is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
