I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
