apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
where are my eyebrows?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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