stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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