I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think i have herpe
just one?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
