Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
