bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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