I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize