its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
