me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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