Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
