I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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