Cold hands, warm shart.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
