she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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