I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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