She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
