porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
