I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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