Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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