Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
