Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
