SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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