Jerry, you need to find god
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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