Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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