I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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