i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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