Got a toothbrush?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
