dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
