tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
