If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
