I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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