I am in a vortex of obligation.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
