i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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