I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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