A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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