Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
