party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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