yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
