I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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