she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
