ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
