Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
