my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
