I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
