Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
