Can i not drive my cunt home
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
