sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
