omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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