Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
