Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
