Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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